200 years ago Louise was leading a regiment in the Napoleonic wars and fell into one of the wormholes created by the great, great, great grandmother of CERN (Ye Olde CERN, colloquially). It was a sad occasion for her family, but an even sadder occasion for me because the wormhole dropped her off in my apartment where she immediately chopped off one my legs with her sword. : [ I begged for mercy and she said that I could keep the rest of my legs if I could produce a watermelon made of tips. I was immediately heartened because I happened to have just such an artifact IN MY VERY HANDS. Seeing this, she flew into a rage and destroyed it, claiming me a liar and the debt unpaid. GREAT.
I told her that there was nothing else I could do and that artifacts like that are only created once every 100,000 yrs. Then she chopped off my second leg, and after crying a little, I opened my safe and revealed the original artifact (the one she destroyed was a replica) and wept again at it's parting. Then she put my legs back on and named me the duke of new-otherton, which was pretty much just a slap in the face, cause his castle had sunk to the bottom of the ocean a few years earlier. I know it's not really my home, and that I've never been there, but I can't shake the feeling that I HAVE TO GO BACK!![SOLD.
[Commission a reproduction for $50.]