Watermelon

| January 28th, 2011 | .Tips, CHOMPable, Commissions, FOR SALE

TipArt Watermelon Picture Frame

200 years ago Louise was leading a regiment in the Napoleonic wars and fell into one of the wormholes created by the great, great, great grandmother of CERN (Ye Olde CERN, colloquially).  It was a sad occasion for her family, but an even sadder occasion for me because the wormhole dropped her off in my apartment where she immediately chopped off one my legs with her sword.  : [  I begged for mercy and she said that I could keep the rest of my legs if I could produce a watermelon made of tips.  I was immediately heartened because I happened to have just such an artifact IN MY VERY HANDS.  Seeing this, she flew into a rage and destroyed it, claiming me a liar and the debt unpaid.  GREAT.

I told her that there was nothing else I could do and that artifacts like that are only created once every 100,000 yrs.  Then she chopped off my second leg, and after crying a little, I opened my safe and revealed the original artifact (the one she destroyed was a replica) and wept again at it’s parting.  Then she put my legs back on and named me the duke of new-otherton, which was pretty much just a slap in the face, cause his castle had sunk to the bottom of the ocean a few years earlier.  I know it’s not really my home, and that I’ve never been there, but I can’t shake the feeling that I HAVE TO GO BACK!![SOLD.

[Commission a reproduction for $50.]

Blue Fish

| November 27th, 2010 | .Tips, Animals Hunting Humans, Baby Knows Best, CHOMPable, Commissions, FOR SALE

TipArt Frame Blue FishTipArt Blue Fish Frame

Andrew said to me, “I need something for my wall that will let everyone know how rich and powerful I am.” Of course I immediately suggest he nail-gun up $100 bills, but it turns out he’s not actually rich.  So, a relic from the TipArt Fortress/Studio seemed like a good second best.  I showed him my FOR SALE list, but he spit on it and said, “only the most custom objects are fit for my gruesome lair.”  Whatever.  After that we discussed his deepest desires, and I went to work.  In the studio I spun around, struck a fancy pose, and THIS sprang whole from my head.  Good enough.

[SOLD.  Commission a reproduction for $50.]

Cherry

| October 19th, 2010 | .Tips, CHOMPable, Commissions, FOR SALE, Fruit

Remember when Margaret used sorcery and legal tender to commission an Apple?  And then later that worthless Dolphin King attacked my son and in the course of rescuing him — and then killing the King in cold blood — I made a Banana and pawned it off on her as an original work?  Well, I pulled it off again with these Cherries.  Sucker!  What do you mean my cost of labor is ¢0.75/hr??  : [  I think I need an adding machine.

[SOLD.  Commission a reproduction for $50.]

Banana

| September 28th, 2010 | .Tips, CHOMPable, Commissions, FOR SALE, Fruit

In the summer of 2010 a great calm came over the land and then the Dolphin King kidnapped my son and threatened to hand him over to my robot nemesis unless I retreated to my forest forge and fabbed a fabulous framed banana.  I told him it was impossible, but he just let out a blood curdling screech and flew off into the distance.  My first instinct was the send my lieutenant and an expeditionary force to burn his pitiful fort to the ground, but they were immediately ambushed and slaughtered.  So I went to work with hammer and sickle and low!, this finished and sublime product sprang whole from the side of my head.  Good enough.  I traded it for my son, and the second I had him back I broke my promise and killed the Dolphin King where he stood, cause I don’t eff around.  Then Margaret commissioned a banana and I pretended to work on it for two months so that she didn’t realize I had already made it for another purpose.  And I got away with it, like I always do!  Zooooooooom!

[SOLD. Commission a reproduction for $50.]

Another Apple

| May 7th, 2010 | .Tips, CHOMPable, Commissions, FOR SALE, Fruit

This is another apple.

[SOLD. Commission a reproduction for $50.]

Virgin Queen

| April 27th, 2010 | .Tips, Commissions, FOR SALE, Portfolio 2, Probably WMDs

Stacie commissioned this virgin symbol, the one that we use to note virgin female fruit flies.  There is no symbol for non-virgin females, because when they’re discovered, they’re burnt at the stake!  Eeek!  Seriously though, we smash them or drown them in alcohol.  Cause their spawn are tainted by lame dudes.  It’s also the symbol of Queen Elizabeth the Hackney-eyed, commonly known as A Virgin Queen.  Little known fact: she was actually a virgin.  : [

[SOLD. Commission a reproduction for $50.]

A mesurably more dangeous device

| March 30th, 2010 | .Tips, Commissions, FOR SALE, Probably WMDs

Earlier this year, Rob’s brother Eric started machinations to acquire the next piece in my ‘extremely dangerous device’ development cycle. You never know a man’s intentions in a situation like this, so I wasn’t thrilled about letting one of these weapons out of my hands, but he put me in a compromising position. AND SO IT WAS MADE AND GIVEN, forged using the ground amygalda of 200 feral cats. Is it vegan if animal parts are used to make it, even if you don’t eat them? Not that you eat this. It doesn’t contain animal parts itself, but it’s made using some, I mean. So I don’t know. Btw, I’m not even gunna tell you what it does, cause if I did, Eric would immediately be assassinated in its pursuit. And as skeptical as I am of his intentions, the people who would kill him for it are even more unsavory.

[SOLD. Commission a reproduction for $50.]

Mauve Triangle

| March 16th, 2010 | .Tips, Commissions, FOR SALE

Turns out that woman in that story was showing solidarity, not a lesbian.  That’ll teach you to jump to conclusions.  Though as a rock star, you can bang lots of  people more or less at will, so it probably wasn’t the most poignant teaching experience.

Inspired by my otherworldly work on Tishina’s Ghost Killing Triangle, Anand asked me to retreat to my infernal foundry (btw, I’m really glad that everyone knows it’s infernal) and forge this invaluable relic that let’s you walk through one door a week.  Which he will auction to the highest bidder.  What?  You want your own artifact, cause you’re gunna ambush some dolphins and don’t wanna take any chances?  I can help you with that, drop me a line (studio@tipart.org).

[SOLD. Commission a reproduction for $50.]

Delta Sigma Theta Represent

| March 2nd, 2010 | .Tips, Commissions, FOR SALE, Probably WMDs

BEHOLD.  Tishina demanded I retreat to my infernal foundry and craft the most incredible relic ever forged.  When I completed the impossible task, I shed a single tear which imbued the artifact with the power to destroy one ghost per day (bonus!).  But you know, I could probably do it again.  Get in touch if you’re interested in discussing an object of your own imagination (studio@tipart.org).

[SOLD. Commission a reproduction for $50.]